For me, becoming a lover of reality refers to the process of trying to understand the big picture view of life. Then trying to use that understanding or perspective to improve my life in some way. Or to at least provide me some context or insight that I can use to promote internal acceptance and peace of mind inside my head.

The “lover of reality” phrase comes from Byron Katie. A lot of her message resonates with me for some reason. She has a unique perspective on life. Here are some quotes from her book Loving What Is that I like:

Some of my big picture goals in life include:

• Be happy
• Experience peace of mind
• Feel OK inside and at ease

I think that understanding reality (or thinking about reality) can help work toward achieving those goals. Especially, when things are not going well. Or I am feeling stressed, emotional, or “out of kilter” along the way.

Who knows, maybe it can be helpful and maybe not. But I have pretty much made the decision to assume that it is helpful… and work on becoming a lover of reality… as best I can. 😊

Noticing When Your Thoughts Argue with Reality

Here are some insightful words from Chapter 1 of the book Loving What Is.

“The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.

If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, “Meow.” Wanting reality to be different than it is is hopeless. You can spend the rest of your life trying to teach a cat to bark.

And yet, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that you think thoughts like this dozens of times a day. People should be kinder. Children should be well-behaved. My neighbor should take better care of their lawn. The line at the grocery store should move faster. My husband (or wife) should agree with me. I should be thinner (or prettier or more successful). These thoughts are ways of wanting reality to be different than it is. If you think this sounds depressing, you’re right. All the stress that we feel is caused by arguing with what is.

After I woke up to reality in 1986, people often referred to me as the woman who made friends with the wind. Barstow is a desert town where the wind blows a lot of the time, and everyone hated it; people even moved from there because they couldn’t stand the wind. The reason I made friends with the wind – with reality – is that I discovered I didn’t have a choice. I realized that it’s quite insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose – but only 100 percent of the time. How do I know that the wind should blow? It’s blowing?

People new to The Work often say to me, “But it would be disempowering to stop my argument with reality. If I simply accept reality, I'll become passive. I may even lose the desire to act.” I answer them with a question: Can you really know that's true? Which is more empowering? – “I wish I hadn't lost my job” or “I lost my job; What can I do now?”

The Work reveals that what you think shouldn't have happened should have happened. It should have happened because it did, and no thinking in the world can change it. This doesn't mean that you condone it or approve it. It just means that you can see things without resistance and without the confusion of your inner struggle. No one wants their children to get sick, no one wants to be in a car accident; but when these things happen, how can it be helpful to mentally argue with them? We know better than to do that, yet we do it, because we don't know how to stop.

I am a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experienced tension and frustration. We don't feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless."